Here’s something I finally figured out:  Wanting to quit drinking, smoking, and being fat and out of shape was no help at all.

Not a bit.

In fact, wanting to do all that probably hurt me.

During my forty-year career as a teacher and school counselor, I met with hundreds of failing students and their parents. In those meetings, the sullen students often sat and said nothing. The common response to any question or comment would be a sarcastic glance at their parents or an absolute refusal to respond at all. For nearly three decades, I told the parents their children had to have at least a tiny bit of “want to” for us to help them get better.

Several years after my last drink I realized I’d been using the wrong word during all those meetings. I know now there’s a huge difference between “want to” and “willingness,’ and willingness is the key to change.

The difference may seem subtle.

It’s not.